zenmama

In late 2022, my husband and I found out that we were finally expecting our first child and sought to understand the needs required to not only bring up a child, but also the journey through pregnancy. I began my research and realised that there weren’t many written experiences shared by expectant mothers. After much thought, I wrote this piece to share my uncensored experiences through pregnancy with mothers-to-be, in hopes that it will aid and support them. Although each mother’s pregnancy journey varies and would not be the same, I would love for you to know that you are not alone, no matter how hard it may be. On a personal level, I wrote this to remind myself of the wonders of pregnancy.

Pregnancy can be such a lonely experience and I’ve spent the earlier weeks of pregnancy wondering how the life growing inside of me is doing, or if it’s thriving, and if I’m providing the necessary needs for its growth.The only support from my relentless worrying is watching my heart-rate soar higher than before pregnancy on my Apple Watch. 

Overcoming personal obstacles

Personally, it was of the utmost importance that I address a slew of personal issues regarding my overall well-being – physical, health, and emotional. I aimed to give my future bundles of joy a clean slate away from the shadows of my childhood, and to show them a world full of boundless opportunities to grasp.

Firstly, I inherited Thalassemia from a parent and sought a doctor to learn more about it – from learning about any issues it might have on my future offspring, and how to combat it. Through it, I learnt that I was not only Thalassemic, but I was also Anaemic, which may be dreadful during pregnancy, since my body would need to pump more blood through my body. Hence, my doctor extended iron supplements. Thalassemia and Anaemia are two separate disorders, if you think you have either, I would recommend booking an appointment with a doctor and ordering a blood test.

Secondly, I’m also lactose intolerant, the bathroom would be my second home if I take anything dairy. I’ve always known that I was lactose intolerant, hence I supplemented my diet with more calcium rich food. However, after taking more iron and calcium rich food, such as beetroot (iron), and soya beans and edamame (calcium), I had serious bouts of diarrhoea. Again, that was no way to properly conceive, if I was constantly in the bathroom. Through seeing a nutritionist, I found out that I was unable to take too much of a certain sugar, Fructan, and was advised to take them in moderation.

Thirdly, I constantly tease that I’m the runt of the family; I’m quite petite, skinny, and stand at 146cm, which is a vast contrast from my siblings and relatives. I was concerned that my petite stature would be a problem for us. After seeing an OB/GYN and undergoing a fertility examination, she confidently extended the green light.

Lastly, I wanted to bring my offspring up away from the traumas of my childhood, where I constantly lived in fear and sought validation from others. I embarked on a two-year therapy course aimed at finding my confidence and being a sure and strong supportive figure to my future bundles of joy. Through all these struggles, I’m glad to share that I’m in a much better place and ready to give them the life far away from the shadows of my childhood and live healthier.

Feeling unusual before the double line

Weeks before my stated period, I felt unusually fatigued without doing very much. I had to nap every afternoon, but even then, I was still exhausted. I was lucky I could nap every afternoon, since I was in between jobs. In addition, I fell asleep at 9 or 10 every night, and woke up in the mornings still feeling incredibly tired. 

Apart from fatigue, I had the constant urge to use the bathroom. I thought I had contracted Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), but there wasn’t any discomfort or pain, which was again unusual.

Also, I was never hungry. More commonly, before my period, I would crave for crab, steak, or anything savoury. Instead, I was picky with food and would lose my appetite easily. 

Lastly, my breasts were tender, slightly bigger, and the areolas around my nipples were more brown and larger. 

While I consistently mentioned my unusual symptoms, I didn’t think too much about them then, as I didn’t think I would be pregnant. For over two years, my husband and I had several false alarms. Even though my symptoms were unusual, I chose not to get my hopes up and dashed. The idea of seeing another negative test result weighed heavily on my emotions, and I couldn’t bring myself to see another.

Finding out at five weeks pregnant

My period was four days late, which was unusual by all accounts. This pushed me to take a test. To our surprise, it was positive. My husband and I looked at each other in shock and I immediately went on a googling-spree and bought folic acid. Thereafter, my symptoms increased ten-fold!

• Fatigue: 

I felt constantly exhausted and needed to nap every afternoon. Even after waking up, I still felt like I hadn’t slept enough. The consolation to my tiredness was knowing that my body was working overtime at growing organs and limbs.

• Frequent visits to the bathroom: 

In my fifth and sixth weeks, I would wake up around 5.30 am to use the bathroom. The whole process took awhile, and by the time I was done, I lay wide awake studying the sounds of nature around me, and listening to the city waking up from the cars zooming down the carpark and trains chugging along the tracks. The frequency of midnight adventures carried on through the first trimester. Waking up at odd hours in the morning wasn’t fun. I would feel like I hadn’t slept much and was sluggish throughout the day. In case you’re wondering, caffeine would have been a great perk-me-up. Unfortunately, caffeine during pregnancy isn’t recommended.

• Food aversions and loss of appetite:

I had major food aversions and would immediately lose appetite after ordering food. It was hard finding food I could eat without feeling sick. I absolutely hated not being able to eat my favourite cuisines, like Japanese or Thai, and because of that I felt really miserable.

• Gagging and retching: 

Mostly, I gagged and retched in the mornings and evenings, and after brushing my teeth. On a personal note, sour food items helped with gagging. We bought sour drops and made lemon infused with water, which helped a lot!

• Heartburn and flatulence: 

I had so much gas, it caused a lot of burping, farting, and occasional heartburn. It was also hard to keep the gas from escaping when you’re out with family – I swear, it’s not pleasant.

• Constipation: 

I felt terribly constipated throughout my first trimester. I was so constipated that I felt I was carrying a poop baby instead of a growing foetus. To help with constipation, I added more fibre in my diet – banana shake blended with yoghurt, oats, and a touch of cinnamon powder, helped greatly!

• Hairiness: 

I noticed I was growing more hairy around my belly and on my face that I felt like our early monkey ancestors. If only all that hair could grow on my head! However, based on my research, that’s not possible at all. Instead, expectant mothers may have silkier or frizzy hair. I hoped for silkier hair, but I had neither. I guess I made my ancestors proud.

• Mood swings: 

T’was an odd feeling. Personally, I’m good at holding my emotions together. I rarely cry, and I’m more logical than emotional. I didn’t even cry at my wedding for the sake of vanity – I didn’t want to ruin my make-up and waste my hard earned money. However, while pregnant I couldn’t hold it together. I once watched a food and travel vlogger, hunt and kill a zebra, and I lost it. I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing, but also laughed myself silly. I knew they were doing a good deed of donating meat to the less fortunate and there I was bawling my eyes out.

• Food cravings: 

I didn’t have any serious food cravings, but all I wanted to eat were vegetables; fresh and juicy vegetables. Yum! Forget the meat, those made me feel sick. If you’re ever in the same predicament as me, I’ve found that nuts are a good source of protein too! That said, if you’re allergic to nuts, please stay away from them.

• Water tasting like iron:

While expecting, it is recommended to drink up to 12 cups of water (approximately 1.6l) a day. However, between my eighth and twelfth week, water tasted like blood/metal, which made me gag and retch relentlessly. To help, I infused different fruits in water each day. I recommend my refreshing favourite; infusing chopped strawberries and basil leaves in water!

Finding support through the chaos

The journey through pregnancy can be a lonely one. My connections recommended sharing the news with family and friends after the first trimester. Personally, I can’t have imagined how much lonelier I’d feel. I told both sets of parents, our siblings, and our closest and most trusted friends. All of them seemed more excited than we were at the news of a tinier version of us and were eager to impart tips and send over their love and support as we embarked on our journey through parenthood.

If you have a partner to share the excitement with, I’d recommend talking to them, and telling them exactly how you feel. I’ve found that my husband has been a great source of support. In the beginning, he didn’t know or understand anything that I felt, and it took awhile for the news to sink in. I came to terms that it was because he wasn’t expecting and couldn’t understand the experiences. After explaining my feelings and my experience, both the good and ugly, and at every step of the way, the news sank in quicker and he grew into an amazing supportive figure. He knew not to feed me eggs or meat unless I asked for it, and even then he’d make sure he heard correctly.

Apart from finding support in friends and family, I’ve also found researching my symptoms and reading more about pregnancy helped with loneliness. It helped with understanding the whole progress of pregnancy and the kinds of symptoms I might have for the week and if it was a part and parcel, or something to be worried about.

Sifting through the information

Personally, since sharing the news with family and friends, we’ve received dozens of tips and tricks. While I’m appreciative of the support, the tips may be overwhelming. I’ve found taking them with a pinch of salt and choosing the logical ones helped to calm the situation, and also gave me a clearer idea of what may be needed to look after a child. I chose to listen to tips that were doctor-approved and beneficial in bringing up a healthy baby, such as the items to get prior to delivery, or food and supplements to have for more nutritional gain. When in doubt, I would research these tips to get a clearer picture of its origin, or seek advice from my OB/GYN. On top of that, I would also discuss my findings with my husband, who helped in setting things in motion for us.

Anxiety over my growing bump turning into excitement

Previously, the thought of being pregnant was unnerving, but since becoming one, I’ve found it to be both overwhelming and beautiful – from processing the changes to my body to witnessing the changes in my body. My bump began to show between my twelfth and thirteenth week of pregnancy. Anxiety over the growth of our child turned into excitement, and I couldn’t wait to experience more of the changes in the coming weeks! That said, I still did check my heart-rate on my Apple Watch for signs of life. I was not be as anxious when I began feeling the kicks, boxes, or nudges.

* This article is my personal account on the first trimester of pregnancy. *